My sheets look like a crime scene.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
