Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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