And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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