Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
