K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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