walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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