Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
