Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You are the jesus of drinking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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