ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
