dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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