ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Welp...herpes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
