Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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