I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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