Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
