Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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