my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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