I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
