Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
