We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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