She is in my trunk
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize