i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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