In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
