meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
