One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
