Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
