Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
