I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize