do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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