There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
