What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
