haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
