walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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