I could make wine with my vomit
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize