I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
