He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she told me i tasted like america
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
