dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
