I have demons in me.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
