It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
