You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
