If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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