Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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