Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
