I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
