Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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