So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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