lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
