Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
