last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
