I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
