Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
