I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
