We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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