he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
