I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
