I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
