remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize