Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
