It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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