if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
