You really coming over, don't trick.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
