i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
