He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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