If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
