I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
