It's Friday. Sex?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
