I got chris browned last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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