OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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