i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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