Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
