i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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