just tell him i said nine months
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
