I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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