Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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